x...x Dirty Magic x...x

"Pull the shades - razor blades - you're so tragic. i hate you so but love you more. i'm so elastic - the things you say - games you play - dirty magic"

- "Dirty Magic" by the Offspring

this is, in my opinion, one of the best quotes on self-injury that i've ever seen, maybe because the song isn't even about self-injury and it fits so well.

alternative title for this page.........................

Pretty Pink Razors

"but these PRETTY PINK RAZORS will make the world ok"
"untitled" by Elle

i feel that both titles are appropriate.

anyway, i bet your wondering - what is this girl on about? i was often curious about Self Harm. what is it? why would someone feel so lost and alone that they felt they had no other way out but to attempt to test fate and self harm? below is what i have learnt and what i feel i need to share with the world.

What is Self Harm?

Self Harm is when you deliberatley inflict physical harm on yourself, usually in secret and generally without anyone knowing. Self Harm is not necessarily a suicidal attempt, and engaging in self harm may not mean that someone wants to die. Most commonly, so I have learnt, self harm is a 'behaviour' that is used to cope with difficult or painful feelings.

Why do people Self Harm?

People who Self Harm often have had tough experiances or relationships within their past, present/daily lives. They may have:

• Been Bullied or Discriminated
• Lost a loved one (parent, brother, sister, friend)
• Broken up with a Boyfriend or Girlfriend
• Been Physically or Sexually abused
• Experianced a serious illness
• Has a disability that is life altering
• Experiance problems within family or school ties

Self Harm may be used as a way to cope with experiances and and the strong feelings associated with it. Self Harming may:

• Provide a way to express difficult or hidden feelings: It is not uncommon to feel numb or empty as a result of overwhelming feelings you may be experiancing and engaging in Self Harm may provide you with a temporary sence of feeling again. It may also provide a way to express anger, sadness, grief or even hurt.
• Be a way of communicating to people that you need some support: Sometimes you may feel that you are unable to use word or other ways to communicate. You may Self Harm in hope that someone will notice your actions and offer support or assistance to you without you having to ask.
• Providing you with a feeling of control: you might feel that self harm is one way you can have a sence of control over your life, feelings, or body, especially if you feel as if other things in your life are out of control.

Self Harm can bring an immediate sense of relief but it is only a temporary solution. It can also cause permanent damage to your body if you injure nerves. Psychologically, it may be associated with a sense of guilt, depression, low self-esteem or self-hatred along with a tendency to isolate yourself from others.

Finding Help....
i often find it difficult to reach out to someone and ask for help. Even though it is hard, it is important that you find someone who can and will help you work out why you are Harming yourself and help find healthier, more positive alternatives for expressing the pain and hurt you feel inside. This may take time, but it's important you can eventually more to a happier and healthier outlook on your life.

You may not feel like you can talk to someone close to you so maybe you would feel more comfortable speaking to a counsellor, phychologist, or phychiatrist to help you work through some of the reasons you are self harming and try to find alternative stratagies for supressing the pain you feel inside. (Personally, I wear an elastic band around my wrist and when I feel a bad thought come through my mind, I flick it. I still get a sense of adrenalin without harming myself)

Like any relationship, building trust with your counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist may take time and it is important you find someone you feel comfortable with. This may mean seeing several people before finding the one that you "click" with. If there is a family member you feel comfortable telling, it may be helpful for you to have their support in finding a counsellor that is right for you. It's likely that the person you feel comfortable telling will already be worried about you and will be relieved at having the opportunity to listen and help.

If talking about it with someone is too overwhelming, an alternative is to email or write down what you want to say. Otherwise, a first step might be to talk to Lifeline or Kidshelpline - both of which are free, anonymous 24 hour telephone counselling lines that won't appear on your phone bill.